Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
