So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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