Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
