you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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