ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
