i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
