Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
