Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
