So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
