some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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