Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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