I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
