just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
