oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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