I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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