Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
