That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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