I will die if light touches me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
