There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
