seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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