i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
