I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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