I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
