If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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