Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
