I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
