does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
