I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
