farters have to be the big spoon...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
