i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
