Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
