I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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