Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
