Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
