I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
