He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
