This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
