I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
