somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
