i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
