Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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