girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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