Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
