we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
