I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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