I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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