So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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