4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love having hate sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
