Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
