It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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